Home Alone

I don't keep many friends... or any at all if we're being truly honest. I'm not sure when I stopped keeping them or why I keep people at a distance and I don't really care to dissect the problem. There is this girl at work, though, that I have become close to and if I kept friends, she's definitely one I would want.

This weekend she was having a BBQ at her house and invited me. She's been saying for months how much she wanted us to start hanging out outside of work and I agreed to come. When the time came for me to leave, though, I couldn't bring myself to walk out the door. All I wanted to do was stay home and be alone.

I wouldn't be giving it a second thought, but this happens frequently. I make plans with someone and then break them. I agree to go some place then never pick up my phone to finalize plans. My therapist says its because I won't let people in and won't allow myself to be emotionally open to anyone new and I think she's right. I think for the most part I do keep people at a distance. So instead of going out and having fun, I chose to stay home tonight and disappoint a friend that I probably need more than anything right now...